


headed to the sun

by itsgameover, topkyungsoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, M/M, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:54:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsgameover/pseuds/itsgameover, https://archiveofourown.org/users/topkyungsoo/pseuds/topkyungsoo
Summary: Kyungsoo and Jongin take a road trip back to the place where it all started.[ For top!soo fest round 4: Road Trip AU ]
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50
Collections: top!soo fest: round 4 (2020-2021)





	headed to the sun

**Author's Note:**

> I am but a humble kaisooist who saw this au and couldn’t stop thinking about it so I decided to take the challenge and write it. I started wanting it to be short and sweet and then things got out of hand and in less than a week I had mustered a mildly long fic with a lot more angst than what I originally intended. So, hope you enjoy <3 And thank you mods for being super duper awesome <3

Considering that it’s 9am and the temperature is already above the 30°C mark, the idea of a summer road trip becomes less and less appealing. Kyungsoo places the cooler in the back seat, next to his backpack and the two water bottles that are frozen because he forgot them in the freezer, sighing when he feels the sweat pooling around his face. 

They planned it already, made an effort to get their act together , pick their things, prepare the clothes, make sandwiches and a playlist for the road, so they have to push through now. Backpedalling it’s a coward’s act at this point, pretty much would lead to the crumbling down of everything he has come to known as stable and reliable.

Well, what has been stable and reliable in the past year save for his work hours? The fights, their fights have been constant too. It’s exhausting to just think about it.

Jongin is already sullen by the time they get in the car, eyebrows meeting in the middle, eyes downcast, fidgeting with the red keychain of the house’s keys. Kyungsoo sputters. 

“If this is how this starts I can’t imagine how it will end,” he says and starts the engine before Jongin dares to respond something that would end up in a fight and then probably one or both getting out of the car. 

Perhaps it is true that this a terrible choice, that staying home would have been better, that summer in the city wouldn’t have been nearly as bad as spending hours upon hours enclosed in the small space of a car, dealing with the heat outside and the problems they carry inside.

It seemed reasonable in the beginning, the idea of going out to the place they first met, a campsite seven hours away from their home city if the weather is good. The place meant many memories, many stories of days gone by, and perhaps it could help them workout their issues. Somehow...

The highway is empty, strange for a city like theirs, but they are north while everyone else runs to the east, headed to the forests and the mountains while most run to the beaches and the sands and the endless nights by the shore. 

Kyungsoo’s mind is so focused on driving correctly that he barely notices Jongin turning on the stereo and putting on, loud and clear, the songs he painstakingly chose for the road. Narcissist by The 1975 makes him chuckle, windows rolled down and the wind swallowing his sound, Jongin told him once that Kyungsoo reminded him of that song. First it was indie and somehow romantic, now the lyrics feel all too familiar. 

Jongin and somebody, Jongin and a stranger, Jongin holding her hand, pushing the pretty blonde girl away when he made eye contact with Kyungsoo, his love of nine years, husband for five of them. Kyungsoo turning around, getting into a cab before Jongin could follow him. Jongin telling him it was not what he thought. Jongin confessing with tears in his eyes that it happened once, after a company party, that he never meant to make it a regular thing. Kyungsoo going out to a bar one friday night and coming home at 3am smelling like someone else, just to feel like they had equal footing in this, even if all he did was kiss a stranger and borrow their jacket. 

Kyungsoo opens the little cigarette package and pretends he doesn’t notice Jongin’s stare on him as he picks the lighter and sets his cancerous hobby on fire. 

“I thought you stopped smoking”

“You thought wrong,” he answers, blowing the smoke out of the window. 

Jongin’s eyebrows furrow, Kyungsoo pretends he doesn’t see it, turns up the volume of the stereo and let’s the sound drown his thoughts. 

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

“So,” Minseok says, hand on the steering wheel of his dad’s old car, “where to?”

In the backseat, Kyungsoo takes out the road map they bought in the first gas station they stopped by and hands it to Jongdae, in the companion’s seat. Next to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun opens a can of coke cola and offers a sip to his seatmate, who rejects it because just a week ago Baekhyun was on the tail end of a nasty flu. 

“Well, there is something called ‘the Witches Creek’ a couple hundred kilometres north” Jongdae says, glasses perched on the edge of his nose. 

“Witches?” Baekhyun asks, eyes wide, “Great, let’s join a cult! I’ll be the one that punishes deviants!”

Minseok scoffs, “We both know you’d be the cult leader’s pet”

“Fuck off! As if you wouldn’t be hanging off Jongdae’s dick if he was a cult leader” he retaliates, the offended party whining like a toddler.

“Why is the conversation about me now?” he screams, outraged.

“Are we going to that creek?” Kyungsoo asks.

“If you want,” Minseok says, looking at Kyungsoo through the rearview mirror. 

Kyungsoo shrugs, “it seems interesting enough for me.”

“Then it’s settled,” Jongdae folds the map, incorrectly but at least he makes an attempt, and hands it back to Kyungsoo. “Now we can relax and listen to some music”

Kyungsoo picks out his book and let’s the unruly creatures around him fight for which 80’s nostalgia song they will play. 

The road is nice and the weather is good, they stop a few times for drinks and food and bathroom breaks behind large bushes (Baekhyun gets bitten by a few mosquitos once and demands real bathrooms, he is only granted his whim when the car runs out of gas). The trip takes less than a day and the Witches Creek turns out to be a very beautiful campsite with light and electrical plugs every few meters. You have to pay a small fee for the camping space but it’s worth it considering things are very much natural but not too wild to be impossible to survive in. 

They set the tent, take some beers out of the cooler and sit in the folding chairs they borrowed from Jongdae’s mom, those tiny things that can break if you make a lot of pressure, and they all sigh dramatically like old men in a retirement home. 

It’s a club of lgbt men, all around their mid to late 20s, sitting in a camping ground and acting very much like their straight parents: complaining about college, work, friends and family, their neighbours, etc. 

Kyungsoo is still working on his phd, he is the youngest of the club and still deals with shitty college professors unlike his graduated friends, and Jongdae who never graduated because he inherited his family’s store and dedicated himself to it wholeheartedly to the point where opened two more stores. He is the mentally oldest of the bunch, even if Kyungsoo trails closely behind. 

Next to them there are two plots of land occupied by a tent so large that Minseok says there must be an Opus Dei style family in it. Kyungsoo sees the clothes hanging above it and decides that so many pairs of male underwear can’t belong to a single family (maybe some sort of cult could own them though). 

The inhabitants of such a massive tent arrive a few hours before sunset, a choir of loud boys racing each other to the place. Two tall boys arrive first, followed by another with long legs and a pretty smile, then comes another three that are not very remarkable to Kyungsoo’s eyes, and then… then he comes. 

He appears in Kyungsoo’s life for the first time with his shirt off, sweat glistening his skin, golden in the dying sunlight, brown hair tousled and sticking to his forehead, plush lips and pretty eyes, a bathing suit sitting dangerously low in his body, happy trail sticking out just enough to make any person move their eyes away. But it's the smile what catches his attention, truly, that beautiful thing that turns his eyes into crescents, that tints his cheeks pink, that bright laughter that bends him over, a friend slapping his back playfully. 

Kyungsoo is smitten and he doesn’t even know his name. 

Baekhyun clears his throat loudly, stands up and stretches, moaning very dramatically. Jongdae sighs and turns his head away, Minseok giggles, Kyungsoo is puzzled.

“Oh, boys, would you look at that?” the stupidly big-eared fool says “We have neighbours!” The neighbours in question take notice and the tallest of the bunch approaches the club. 

In a matter of hours the two groups of campsite dwellers have melted into one, sitting around a fire trading names, ages, stories, career paths, why are they here and not in any other place. Kyungsoo, always the introvert, only speaks when he is spoken to. Enter the beautiful adonis with a disarming smile, approaching him with a beer in one hand and a package of chips in the other. 

“My name is Jongin, I study business management, I’m in last year,” he introduces himself, smiling broadly. 

“I’m Kyungsoo, law student, nice to meet you Jongin,” Kyungsoo finds it very hard to not smile back at him. 

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

Three hours into the trip, right as they hit the most desolate part of the highway, Jongin’s phone starts ringing. He takes it out of his backpack’s pocket, only to shove it back in and turn around, the muscles of his body tensing like a violin’s chord. 

“Who is it?” “It’s her isn’t it?”

“No, no! It’s not! Why would she call?”

“Come on, who is it? Show me the phone” Kyungsoo takes a hand off the wheel and stretches his arm to grab the backpack. Jongin slaps it away, Kyungsoo looks at him with furrowed brows and steers so hard that they almost leave the road entirely, parking in the dusty side of the highway. 

“Show, me,” he demands, turning in his seat to face Jongin. “Show me the phone, please.”

The man recoils, looks away, flushes hundred shades of red, looking small and fragile in a way that it’s not pleasant, in a way that doesn’t suit him, a way Kyungsoo hates to be the cause of. When they go from love, happiness and pleasure to shame, sorrow and pain? 

Jongin fishes his phone from the backpack, showing its screen only once before putting it back into the pocket. Kyungsoo sighs, the last four numbers all too familiar. 

“So it is her,” he says, voice thinner and lower. Jongin’s eyes shoot wide open. 

“How do you know?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed, lips pressed on a tight line, sad eyes breaking him apart. 

Kyungsoo puts the turning light on, slowly pressing the gas pedal as he heads back into the road. 

“One night when you were showering she texted you,” the memory is crystal clear for him, the sound of water falling like a heavily contained storm in the bathroom, the buzzing of Jongin’s Samsung A20 sitting on his side of the bed. 

‘I loved seeing you yesterday, but seeing you wasn’t enough…’ she said.  
‘I want to feel you again, once wasn’t nearly enough for me’ she wrote, coy emojis following it.  
‘Tell him you’ll do extra hours, it’s not like he is going to find out’ 

Kyungsoo looked at her contact number, wrote it down in a post it note and shoved it inside a shoe box under his bed right as Jongin made his way out, phone sitting back in its original place, not a trace that it had been tampered with. 

He didn’t tell him anything, rather he watched him throughout the night, when he picked it back and his position changed, shoulders squared, jaw tensed, and answered in quick spasms of texts. Over his shoulder, as Kyungsoo picked the dishes to take them back into the kitchen, he watched his husband delete the chat and put his phone face down on the table. 

“Apparently you forgot to tell her you were in the shower or maybe you forgot to bring your cellphone into the bathroom” he shrugs, resting an arm on the opened window.

“Do you know how many times I dialed her number? How many times has she picked up and I hung up?” he looks out of the window, letting the breeze toy with his hair strands just for a moment, avoiding the nasty emotions that filled him whenever he thought of her. “ I wanted to tell her so many things. I wanted to yell at her, tell her how she was being selfish, rude, a whore... “ 

Kyungsoo heard her voice so many times, heard the sweet hello she whispered, the delightful tones of summer inside her mouth. He wanted to hate her so much, he hated her so much, but for what? For taking Jongin from him? 

“I wanted to tell her how I felt knowing that she stole what was mine.” He swallows hard, fighting the bilis creeping up his throat. “But one day I deleted her number, let it fade into the back of my mind, because no one is stolen without consent.”

He looks at Jongin, watches the shape of his profile cut against the inane and dull background, endless barren fields stretching into nothingness, the plush lips turned into a pout, the pretty nose, his shiny eyes, the drop of pain rolling up down his high cheekbones, tears swallowed harshly, adam’s apple jumping up and down repeatedly, 

In the stereo, All the Lies by Jang Jane plays, another vehicle surpasses them, Kyungsoo lits another cigarette. 

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

“There is no way that you like white chocolate above dark chocolate,” Jongin says, outraged. 

Kyungsoo shrugs, pushes up his glasses a little bit more. “I guess the bitterness is just too much for me.”

They sit at the side of the river, above a very large stone covered in little water droplets. After playing for hours with the rest of the guys, Jongin told him they should head for the quieter side of the river, on the southern part of the camping grounds, the space where electricity hadn’t been placed yet. He promised Kyungsoo it was the best place for watching the sunset. 

“Yeah, you seem like a sweet guy,” Jongin whispers, Kyungsoo looks up just in time to see him blushing. 

In the four days the two groups of happy campers have been together, spending time in the same patches of land, socializing and making new friends, Kyungsoo has come to feel quite attached to this boy who seems like a god and it’s but a teenager in the body of a late 20s man, flirting and saying coy little things but ultimately being shy when someone else does the same. 

He craves validation and his self esteem is constantly on edge. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand how someone so full of wonderful qualities, on top of having the body of a greek statue, would think of himself to be so low? He calls himself dumb and stupid, ugly and pathetic. Everytime he says it, Kyungsoo tells him he is none of those things. He is handsome and smart, and Jongin blushes, hides behind his own hands, changes the subject, brushes his hand down Kyungsoo’s forearm, acting like he didn’t mean it. 

Kyungsoo thinks his heart shouldn’t beat to hard for someone he barely knows, but he is also a careless idiot who has only had one couple in his entire life and he is being treated like someone worth time and care by this delightful individual who likes to tease him but also acts sweet and tender with him. 

He inhales, exhales, leans back on his hands, watches the silhouette of Jongin sharply cut against the colors of the dying day and thinks: if not now, when? 

When he leans to grab Jongin’s face, the boy seems shocked, surprised, but doesn’t back away. He freezes like a deer caught in the headlights, arms around his own naked torso, golden skin gleaming in the pretty afternoon sun. Kyungsoo puts a hand on his neck, thumb brushing his jawline, and lets the other envelop Jongin’s small waist, and with one last breath takes the leap of faith, pressing their lips together in a very short, very meaningful kiss. 

He leans back, letting Jongin push him away if he wants to do so, but instead Jongin holds unto Kyungsoo’s soft cotton shirt, fisting it like life depends on it, pulling him towards him, going in for a desperate sort of kiss, one that is hungry, needy, wanting so much more than just a kiss. 

When Jongin throws a leg over Kyungsoo’s lap it’s when he decides things can’t be like this.

“Stop, stop,” he whispers, voice roughened by such a vigorous make out. Jongin seems puzzled, pouting with saddened eyes. “Look, I think you are very handsome and I would love nothing more than to kiss you until we both faint but…” Kyungsoo scoffs, looking away, “I think we could… we could be so much more than just a one summer fling.”

“You think so?” Jongin says and he seems to be in disbelief of such words. It makes Kyungsoo wonder just what type of relationships this boy has been in. 

“Yes, I do.” Kyungsoo coughs, terribly fake, because he said that way too fast. “I mean, we live in the same city, are around the same age, will end up working in relatively similar environments, companies and offices and boring stuff like that. We could make something work.” 

Jongin smiles, “Maybe.”

Kyungsoo places his hands on Jongin’s well sculpted thighs, patting the soft skin twice before pushing him away, letting him sit back in his original place, day growing darker by the minute. 

“You are very sweet,” Jongin whispers when they head back to their respective tents, brushing his hand against Kyungsoo’s. 

“No more than you,” he responds and Jongin leans to press a kiss against Kyungsoo’s cheek, leaving him blushing and smiling, even when Baekhyun hollers in the back. 

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

On the third exit, Jongin guffaws. Kyungsoo throws a side glance, pretending not to care about what is happening, yet failing miserably at it. He has rolled down his window and is looking out, not letting the one in the driver seat see his expression. 

“Everytime this song came on the radio you told me it was about me” Jongin turns to look at him, a sad expression covering his features.

Cherry Wine plays on the stereo, Kyungsoo bites his lower lip. _Calls of guilty thrown at me, all while she stains the sheets of some other._ The wind is harsh and relentless now, Kyungsoo turns off the radio. 

“I’m tired of music,” he says, and looks away into the sky. 

Kyungsoo discovers that Jongin has indeed changed in the years they have spent together. 

All people change, of course, but what was always there, what Kyungsoo hoped would be there forever, was the way Jongin could make conversation about anything and everything. He is shy for the most part, straying away from large crowds and positions where he is forced to interact with many strangers. Yet with Kyungsoo it was never like that, he would chat and chat for hours, endlessly rambling about whatever crossed his mind. Jongin liked to hear his husband talk too, even if Kyungsoo was more about actions than words, he has always been that way. 

And perhaps that’s one of the roots of their fallout, the way their love languages diverge so much. Where Jongin likes to hear and speak and say a lot of things, Kyungsoo believes more in the physical attention, a hug, a kiss, a hand on a shoulder or a knee, throwing a blanket over the one that fell asleep on the couch or lending a jacket when they walked on the streets of an autumn bathed city. 

Jongin is shy about physical attention, flustering easily when a stranger touches him. But he is also needy, at least in the sexual side of contact, always wanting more and more. And Kyungsoo delivered it, for the most part. 

Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t remember the last time they had sex.  
It sure was before she walked into the frame of the story. 

Kyungsoo got tired of Jongin’s ramblings at a certain point. Remembers acting disinterested and bored, remembers Jongin asking if he was listening and Kyungsoo lying. ‘Sorry, I was thinking about job stuff, tell me again please’. Jongin’s eyes saddened, his conversations became shorter and shorter until he stopped telling him about his day, his things. Until he found someone else to listen to him. Until he found her. 

He didn’t realize how much he missed Jongin’s voice until it was gone.  


🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

The first time Kyungsoo and Jongin sleep together is seven months after they meet in the campsite by the creek. It’s a cold autumn night and their date in the park got ruined by a downpour. Their sweaters, their coats, their shoes, their shirts, their own bodies are soaked to the bone. The closest apartment is the one Jongin and his flatmate, Sehun, share. 

“Sehun is away with his family so you can use his bathroom while I use mine,” he says. 

And then he takes out his soaked sweater along with the white t-shirt underneath it in one go, and Kyungsoo stares, simply stares, watches the little water droplets fall down his delightfully sculpted back, melting in the waistband of his skinny jeans. 

He has seen him shirtless before, from an even closer distance, but this feels… different. Under the sweet kind of orange glow of the light of the foyer of his apartment his golden skin beams, the little water drops turning into pearls on his body. He is pouting, his hair sticks to his forehead, his waist feels so small that Kyungsoo feels like he could envelop it with one hand. 

“What’s wrong?” Jongin asks, eyebrows furrowed. 

“You are so pretty,” he mutters and the boy across him blushes madly, flustered to the point of looking down, giggling softly. 

“Don’t say that,” Jongin looks at him through his long lashes, making himself smaller than his date. Kyungsoo smiles, breaches the distance between them with two steps and grabs Jongin by the waist, pushing his back against a wall as his lips assault the younger’s face, eager to feel him. 

Jongin’s initial shock dissolves into quaint desperate want, threading his fingers through Kyungsoo’s wet hair, tugging whenever he comes across a knot, opening his mouth and letting himself be tasted fully. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t let him walk away, puts a hand under his knee and groans when their crotches come into contact, attaches his lips to Jongin’s long delicate neck, kissing in a way that he hopes leaves bruises behind. Jongin tastes like petrichor, like autumn’s musky earth scent, like the best thing that has ever happened to him. 

By the time they get to the bedroom, they are still half dressed. Soaked jeans are particularly hard to strip, it takes a lot of grunting and a lot of laughing for both of them to lay naked, Jongin under Kyungsoo’s body, nails raking down his back as he gets thoroughly and earnestly fucked into the mattress, writhing desperately with each thrusting motion. He comes to the sound of his name, falling from Kyungsoo’s battered throat as he spills his seed in the condom, falling over Jongin’s body only to raise on his elbows a minute later. 

“I love you,” he says, kissing Jongin’s temple so sweetly, plush lips lingering on a little, “I’m not sure if it’s too soon to say that but-”

“I love you too,” Jongin answers, grabbing Kyungsoo by the neck and kissing him with such tenderness that it melts his heart, “I’m so glad Chanyeol forced me to go into the camp with him, I’m so glad we met in that place.”

Kyungsoo scoffs, “I’ll have to thank Chanyeol for you then.”

“No, he does not deserve it,” Jongin says, giggling a bit and dragging Kyungsoo down to meet his body, chest to chest, lips to lips, as they greet the night with soaked sheets and warm hearts. 

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

The camping ground isn’t there anymore. Or rather it is, but it looks like a ghost town. 

Kyungsoo steps out of the car with a defeated sigh, watching the big entrance sign, a wooden thing, half a meter thick and two meters tall, rest on the floor, dusty and forgotten. 

“Well, if that isn’t a sign for the ages,” Jongin mutters, stepping past the sign and getting into a large hole in the once-upon-a-time sturdy wooden fence. 

What used to be a place full of life and joy has turned out to be a ghost town, empty plots of land, acres and acres of delightfully trimmed grass and neatly kept trees turned into wildlands. Kyungsoo remembers the stray dogs and cats that the owners of the place took care of, now gone to find food and shelter in some other land. 

There are wooden posts laying around too, those in which people would hang signs and lights and decorations to celebrate different things. The summer he met Jongin, a girl celebrated her 21st birthday and invited everyone that was staying in the camp to celebrate with her. Seulgi became a good friend after that, Kyungsoo finding out that they were cousins thrice removed and became a regular at her mother’s coffee shop, three streets away from his university’s campus. 

The creek is there, pretty as always, albeit uncared for. The shores are covered in tall grass, the rocks, in moss and mud, water is less polluted but less loved too. The old little wood platform over the deepest part, the one people would use to play music and share stories on, lies broken, half of it missing. 

Kyungsoo sighs, looks around with his hands on his pockets, thinking that time is truly the worst of mistresses. 

“Did you know that Chanyeol got divorced last year?” Jongin’s voice says. Kyungsoo turns around to see him standing a few meters behind, arms folded over his chest.

Kyungsoo nods, “Baekhyun told me.” 

Baekhyun wanted to move abroad to pursue a job offer that could further his career, Chanyeol told him he was selfish. The story ended up in court fighting for the custody of their four years old daughter and then in Baekhyun picking a flight, his child tightly hugging her other dad before she was taken away to Europe. Chanyeol has turned to be quite the sad divorcee, sitting on the last row of the local church, crying to whoever wants to hear that he thought they were meant to be forever. 

“Taemin broke up with his boyfriend too, even Minseok and Jongdae don’t talk to each other anymore” Jongin looks around, eyes scanning the world that used to hold so many happy memories, turned into ash and dust, “It seems like the downfall of this place comes parallel to the one of the couples born here.”

Kyungsoo watches as Jongin kicks a little pebble, eyes watery and downcast. Jongin is such a sentimental soul, driven to tears by the most inane of things, and Kyungsoo has failed to provide any sort of comfort to him in that. He almost forgets how it feels to hug him, how to correctly place his arms around his lithe body, yet he steps towards him, opens his arms and lets him melt over his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, head buried in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, “I’m so sorry, Soo, I fucked up, I’m so sorry, I know I made a big mistake and I hurted you, I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said that before,” Kyungsoo responds, patting his back softly. Jongin pushes him away, but soon he grabs his forearms, stopping him from walking away. 

“I know, but… I don’t want to miss you anymore,” Jongin whispers through a sniffle, eyes puffy “I don’t want things to end, please”

The whine creeping up Jongin’s neck makes Kyungsoo’s heart flip, a painful tug that only increases with each sob escaping Jongin’s pretty mouth, muffled by the hand that hurries to cover his mouth.

“I blocked her,” he says, fishing his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, “in every social media, every phone and every account that I knew was hers I blocked it, you can check,” he shoves the phone in Kyungsoo’s hands, “also check my messages, please, check them.”

Kyungsoo stares at him for a second, confused as to what he truly wants, yet he does as he is told. 

“See?” Jongin points out at a chat last opened two hours ago, a chat with his boss, the chairman of the company he works for, “I quitted last month.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes shoot wide open, “What? Why?”

“I don’t want to see her ever again” Jongin says, shaking his head adamantly, “or those who enabled me and covered up for me when I… did what I did.”

“When you cheated on me.”

“Yes, when I cheated on you,” Jongin looks away, inhaling and exhaling deeply, probably attempting to even out his breathing, to stabilize his broken voice. “I had an offer from a small up and coming company, it pays less but I don’t care about it.“ The sincerity in his voice is noticeable, Jongin is an open book in that regard, he can’t lie easily. “I… I also booked therapy. For me and… for us…” he scoffs, looking at Kyungsoo directly, eye to eye, “it’s couples therapy. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you but… I was afraid you were going to say no”

“Oh, Nini,” Kyungsoo sighs, blocking the screen of the phone and handing it back to its owner “I would never say no to trying to fix things.”

Jongin sniffles, cleans his eyes with his hand and smiles sadly when Kyungsoo stares at him with a puzzled look “I’m sorry it’s just… you haven’t called me that in a long time,”

Kyungsoo smiles, “Neither you have called me Soo.”

There is a silence between them, not an uncomfortable one but rather the type of silence one experiences in the heart of nature, listening to a river pour over a path of stones, like the sound of old memories, old hopes, old dreams and ideals waking up again, breathing in fresh air. It’s like the silence between anger and forgiveness, even if forgiving something like being cheated on takes more than a few seconds to be done. 

But Kyungsoo thinks, looking at Jongin’s tears and Jongin’s open heart and Jongin’s need to come back to him, Jongin’s guilt and regret and hope to build back what a hurricane teared down, that he can learn to forgive if he can also learn to be a better partner. 

“I miss you,” Jongin says then, tearing up a little bit. 

“I’m right here,” Kyungsoo opens his arms and lets Jongin melt against his body, sweaty and teareyed and whispering that he won’t ever make the same mistake because he doesn’t want to lose the beautiful thing that they are together. 

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇

The night is rolling in by the time Kyungsoo turns to check on Jongin, finding him asleep, head against the window. Kyungsoo lets the car slow down, rolls down his window and watches the night sky take over, star by star spreading across like a blanket unfolding in the heavens. He thinks Jongin would know the name of some of the constellations, he has always liked the sky, but doesn’t want to wake him up for something so inane as asking for the name of a star or two. 

“That’s Orion,” he hears, Jongin’s rough voice unfolding slowly. 

“Oh, is it?” Kyungsoo hums softly. 

Jongin nods, “it’s very shiny.”

“It is,” Kyungsoo agrees, looking up. 

“I missed your smile,”

“I have smiled before now,”

“Yes, but it’s not the same.” Jongin rests his hand on his open palm, elbow propped on the rolled down window.

“Maybe you are right,” Kyungsoo’s right hand falls a little too close to Jongin’s seat after putting on the turning light, heading to the right side of the road, closer to the exits. “I feel lighter now, better.”

“Me too,” and then a large yawn comes, eyes narrowing. Kyungsoo smiles again and he is sure it’s too wide and too toothy and too goofy but Jongin looks so pretty when he is sleepy, so pretty when he is happy, or at least on the road to happiness. 

Kyungsoo looks at the clock and the fact that is 11pm shocks him. “We’ll need to sleep soon, it’s getting too late,” 

Jongin hums and the drive gets swallowed by the sounds of the highway and the night. 

When he takes an exit and finds a small motel with pink walls and an old neon sign in a battered billboard, standing proud some six meters above the ground. He rents a room, it’s very cheap so he doesn’t expect much, but it has a large king sized bed, enough to keep apart and sleep comfortably. 

Their room on the lower right hand corner of the motel, illuminated by horrid fluorescent light tubes hanging from the ceiling, one ugly red light right above the bed, Kyungsoo hurrying to turn it off before it ruins his eyesight even more than what it already is.

“Are you going to use the bathroom?” Jongin asks, sheepish. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, “my only intention now is to sleep.”

“Ok, I’ll shower then,” Jongin announces, carrying his backpack into the bathroom.

“Be my guest,” Kyungsoo jokes, smiling, before plopping down in the bed. A package of cigarettes falls from his pocket and he picks them up before Jongin can see, the other getting in the bathroom right on time. 

He stares at the pack and thinks, one last cigarette won’t be that bad.

The room is not the best but it has a balcony and an impressive view of the valley and the dozens of tiny lights that make the villages and small towns of the region. The area is a pretty nice vacation spot, even if most people prefer the beach, closer to the city and much larger. Kyungsoo has always liked this green area of the country, small but beautiful. 

Maybe something in his subconscious keeps telling him that this is a beautiful place because here he met Jongin and maybe now his association becomes one of Jongin and him finally taking a step to fix things, stopping the endless cycle of fights and silence and ice cold nights spent in the couch or in a hotel to avoid each other as much as possible. 

He is not sure if things will be fixed, an honest effort doesn’t assure success, yet he thinks that if something in this world is worth trying for… that something is what he and Jongin built together, brick by brick, year after year. 

“You are smoking?” Jongin’s voice asks. Kyungsoo sometimes forgets how quick he is to shower yet he always smells nice. He nods, puffing out smoke. 

Jongin is drying his hair with a white towel, wearing shorts and a white shirt. He leans back on the rails of the balcony and Kyungsoo can’t stop staring at the shape of his body cut against the night sky, barely sharp face, pretty torso, lean and long legs. He thinks no other man has ever been as beautiful in his eyes, no other man has made him feel anything remotely close to what Jongin awakens inside his heart.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, eyebrows quipped up, when he notices Kyungsoo’s stare on him. 

“Nothing,” he answers, shaking his head softly, and looks away into the night sky, finishing his cigarette and crushing it under the sole of his shoes. “We should sleep if we want to make it back to the city before noon tomorrow.”

“Ok,” Jongin says and Kyungsoo steps inside the room. “Soo?” the voice calls and Kyungsoo turns around. 

Jongin fidgets with the towel before he too walks into the room and lets the soft fabric over the bedside table “Do you think… do you think things will be ok?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, “I don’t know, but I want to try regardless”

“Ok,” Jongin’s eyes flutter around the room, not looking at anything in particular, it makes Kyungsoo wonder just what is going on inside his head. “Soo?” he calls again. 

“What’s happening, Jongin?” Kyungsoo questions, tilting his head. 

“I miss your kisses. Can I kiss you?” and then, upon seeing Kyungsoo’s wordless state, he hastens to add “it’s ok if you don’t want to...”

Kyungsoo bites his lower lip, the thought stirs something deep inside his body. It’s that longing, something beyond mere want and need, it’s not the selfish desire of releasing tensions or doing something fun for a night. It feels beyond that, it goes beyond that, it’s a body wanting a body because they are meant to be together, because they have been together through so much, done and said so many things together. Kyungsoo can’t even think of sex without picturing Jongin’s face as he cums and cums and cums…

“Of course,” he answers but doesn’t move. Instead he lets Jongin approach him, slow and hesitant steps, licking his lips before leaning to meet Kyungsoo’s mouth, the one that pretends to be thirsty for what has not been had for over a year. Yet he resists for as long as he can, hands on each side of his body, legs firmly planted on the floor. 

Until Jongin pulls his lower lip with gentle teeth and he can’t take it anymore. His hands pull Jongin’s body closer, fisting the fabric of his shirt, stepping back with the man still attached to his lips, plopping down as soon as his shins hit the bed. Jongin scrambles to crawl over him, sitting over his lap, letting Kyungsoo pull his shirt over his head and breathing deep before he dives down, before Kyungsoo swallows him whole, tongues dancing together, chests heaving with each kiss. 

Jongin grinds down on Kyungsoo’s body and he hisses when his ass meets his clothed erection, heart rate rising like ocean waves in the night. And Kyungsoo grabs Jongin’s ass and forces him down again and again until both of them are moaning, wanting and keening high into the night air. 

“I don’t suppose you brought with you… anything,” Jongin says through broken breaths. Kyungsoo shakes his head no, drags Jongin down to meet his mouth and puts a hand inside his pants, making Jongin scream when he tugs on his fully erect dick, driving him to insanity quickly and efficiently. 

“I love you,” Jongin says as he comes, screaming it “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeats, tears streaming down his face. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t feel like answering, being a man of action more than words, and simply kisses Jongin through his high, kisses him until his tears stop falling and his breathing is even, caresses his sides, his thighs, his ass. 

“You…” Jongin sniffles, leaning back “you haven’t… you still are...” he points down at Kyungsoo’s crotch, still strained inside his boxers. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, “that doesn’t matter,” he assures him, drags him down to meet him again but Jongin refuses, sits back on his haunches and doesn’t even allow Kyungsoo to say no before he is pulling down his pants and swallowing his hard cock down to the base. 

The moan that this tugs out of him is so loud that he is sure the motel is never going to let them stay in ever again. Jongin has always been good at this, always eager to please, desperate to be the best he can be, and it makes Kyungsoo wonder what he did with her. 

In his own words (and her texts apparently confirmed it) they only met once, at least for a sexual intercourse it happened only once, yet Kyungsoo’s mind had conjured a million different scenarios to this encounter, pictured Jongin doing hundreds of things to her body, letting her do things to his that may have given him greater pleasure than anything Kyungsoo has ever done. 

It makes his blood boil and his heart bleed. So he pushes Jongin away, moves to sit on the edge of the bed and makes Jongin stand up and strips him down at once. He pulls him down on his lap, spits on his hand and brings his fingers to Jongin’s ass once, twice, coating it in saliva until he can put his dick in between his cheeks and drags a long moan from his lips. 

“Tell me,” he demands, thrusting up and down, brushing Jongin’s entrance knowing fully well he couldn’t fuck him without lube and feeling angrier by the second because of that, “Tell me, Nini, did it feel good to be with her?” 

Jongin’s eyes snap open but his dick is slowly hardening and Kyungsoo’s hand is quick to envelop it, tug it harshly, so he bites his lips, swallows a moan. 

“Tell me, Nini, tell me, was she as good as me?” he bites down on the flesh of Jongin’s neck, rejoices in the soundless scream this elicits. His mouth trails south, tongue lapping the steaming skin until it latches onto one nipple, then the other, Jongin whines and tries to pull back but Kyungsoo simply refuses to let him go. “Did she give you any of the pleasure I give you?” 

Jongin shakes his head, Kyungsoo’s teeth graze the skin of his nipple and Jongin screams. 

“No, no, no” he repeats. 

“No what?” Kyungsoo asks, leaning back a bit, scared that he’s overstepped.

“She never… she could never,” Jongin is thrashing but there are no tears on his eyes, only a happy smile as he looks down at him, eyes shiny, lips glossy, “You are the only one I want,” he says and Kyungsoo can’t resist swallowing that pretty smile, treasuring it forever against his own lips. 

And he lets himself be softer then, puts down his guards and lets the high of an orgasm be tugged by Jongin’s gentle rocking, kissing each other through it all, falling back against the soft blue comforter, pulling Jongin against his chest and kissing the top of his head, swallowing hard to avoid crying. 

“I…” his voice breaks a bit, so he scoffs and tries again, “I am sorry too… for being distant and cold and… condescending with you. You deserve so much more than that.”

“I don’t know what I deserve,” Jongin starts, moving away to rest by Kyungsoo’s side, left hand over his beating heart, “but I know that I want you and I know that… I know that you want me.”

“I do and I am too selfish to share” ” Kyungsoo’s eyes are too fixated on Jongin's, desperate to find the sincerity and the true compromise that he wants, that he needs.

“I’m only yours,” Jongin’s voice is low but it’s serious, it carries the weight of the world on it’s honey like tone. “I swear on my own life, Soo, I am only yours, I have always been, despite my stupidity”

Kyungsoo pets the back of his head softly, lets his fingers trail down his neck and upwards again. “I hope this never ends.”

“Your vacations end up in four days though,” Jongin jokes, looking at him with a soft little smile. 

He moves a bit, rearranging their bodies until his head is in the pillows, and Jongin’s own delightful head rests on Kyungsoo’s chest, “That’s enough time to stay in this awful room and explore the new starting point, don’t you think?” 

“That sounds nice,” his hand traces patterns on the skin of Kyungsoo’s arm, moving up and down, side to side, connecting all the tiny moles with the tips of his long, elegant fingers “I have always liked hotels more than tents, anyways”

Kyungsoo laughs, “Yeah, me too.”

🎇🎆一一一一⛺一一一一🎆🎇


End file.
